With friends like these...

This is a more difficult note to write, partly because I had written it a few nights ago, and when I went to publish/post it, I lost the whole thing! So after re-energizing myself by taking a cold dip in the pool, I am back to reveal a deep secret and expose myself as the fraud that I am.Over the past year, mnay of my facebook friends, and others, have asked about what I've been doing the past thirty years and such, as we tried to catch up on each other's lives after losing contact post- High School. I've been told I've had a most interesting life as described here as well as Classmates and LinkedIn and other networking sites. I'll admit- I've experienced things that will eventually make great stories and movie plots, but when explaining what I am doing now, I've been somewhat vague, referring instead to the recent past history.You may have noticed that many of my posts and notes have a political slant to them, and it's for a purpose. In addition to just being a political junky, I am also quite concerned of the current economy and the joblessness across the United States. I am quite concerned in the divide of the "haves and the have-nots". The reason is simple: I have been unemployed since October 2008 and was once a "have" who is now a struggling "have not".I've kept this secret from my closest friends, while trying to network with business connections. The reasons are obvious- embarrassment, shame, depression, etc. Who wants to answer the "What happened?" questions a thousand times a day? The fact is, as an executive level Director in HR, a non-revenue generating department, you are always at risk of being cut, especially when the business environment does not consider an effective HR Department as a necessity as much as a luxury. We all know how ludicrous that sounds, but it is true. Additionally, I've had a history of working my way out of jobs by being so efficient and making the overall department appear to be running itself. We also know that this is ludicrous. Eventually, when the Board or the CEO feels that financial cuts are necessary, my departments tend to be an easy target as they feel that someone making one-third of my salary could operate the now maller department and make the same educated decisions. It's only when they end up in court battling labor issues or harrassment complaints where they wish they had someone with my professionalism, training, experience and judgement on their side.Be that as it may, this economy has affected this job search as none before. I have been laid off from two companies in the last three years due to economic decisions. I have received nice severances packages from both companies. I have a history of taking new positions whereby each new position has been for significantly higher salary and more responsibility. I call this "upward mobility". In the past, I have had choices between several offers and chose positions I thought were more challenging, close to home and in industries that interested me. I also chose positions based on the connections I felt with the current teams. This job search has been quite different. I have had less than five cursory interviews in seven months. When I was told that I was being considered for a position, I learned that I was up against candidates with PHD's, MBA's and coming from global organizations. I reduced my "desired" salary by half, hoping to get a foot in the door, and still could not generate much interest. As a result, I am looking backward and looking to return to industries that I worked in 15-20 years earlier, at wages more fitting to the 1988 economy. All of this came at the heels of my daughter turning eighteen, getting a driver's license, experiencing the Senior Prom, graduating high school and applying to college. Needless to say, I have been unable to properly help celebrate these accomplishments as my financial decisions were more to the effect of "Do I eat today or get gas for the car?" "Do I make the car payment or the phone/Internet and continue the job search?" My financial struggles have caused me to sell off 90% of my property and possessions, and I have plans to leave CA. I've had to break this information to my daughter, and as a result, it was a real crying fest. We have never been apart in 18 years, and I believe it is harder for me than it is for her.These dilemmas have resulted in physical issues as well. Sitting at the computer for 20 hours a day job searching and networking has resulted in weight gain, depression and serious circulation issues. These DVT's and such have brought up the possibility of strokes or even amputations, and have been extremely painful. I wanted to publish this note not to generate concern or sympathy, or even to reach out for help. I wanted to publicly acknowledge a few people who became aware of my situation and stepped up to help in their own way. I cannot think of any other effective way to thank them, so I am trying this.First, my daughter Mary. She had hopes of attending Cal-State Santa Barbara and we had even arranged for off-campus housing for the year. Due to my employment circumstances, which happened after her mother had lost her jobs months earlier, she called me and stated that she was going to stay home and go to a local college until we got on our feet again. This was incredibly mature of her, as anything else would have resulted in a huge guilt trip for me. I love my angel.Secondly, Tony P. He has been a friend for several years and during this time period, has been a source of some financial help, but mostly emotional support. Together, we have created several screenplay treatments and share a common goal regarding getting published. By taking his time and meeting with me, listening to my moaning and such, he has helped me tremendously emotionally.Thirdly, my other angel "Shoe". She has been the source of tremendous support- financially, emotionally and spiritually. We often talk for hours on the phone, and she has helped me in ways that defy imagination. She is also one of my biggest "fans", as she enthusiatically supports my music as well. What started out as a friendship has developed into something deeper, and I just MAY have to spend my remaining days with her just to try and pay her back for all she's done for me. Even that wouldn't be enough, in all honesty. Here's one thing I know, though. Without Robin, I would be a memory today because I would have been long dead, and that is not hyperbole. So I take this moment to exorcise these demons and share with everyone what really has been happening over the last several months. I have taken a position recently that can lead to a future close to where I was in my recent past. In the meantime, it will be a continued struggle. Getting this position has actually held off my planned move out-of-state and has allowed me to stay at least until Mary's graduation (I've paid for private school for 12 years, I going to see her graduate!). If the new employment doesn't lead to the management position that was promised or assured to me at the time of hire, I will be better prepared to re-locate as Mary begins her life away from her parents. It will be difficult, but not as difficult as the last seven months have been.